Today I didn't do much that was fun, different, original, creative, or all that amusing. One thing I did do though was watch some It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Some people told me that was a really good show. It was. I watched 4 episodes back to back, didn't get bored, and they were all equally entertaining. Anyone who hasn't watched Philly should. Making a show as funny as that must be really hard. Being funny and original on a consistent basis would be almost impossible. Even being funny inconsistently, on a one off basis, is very hard. The problem for me, what I generally consider hysterical when I think about it myself, turns out to be simply stupid and pointless when I say it, write it or do it. I am not very good at being funny. One thing I am alright at though, and through observing a few people around me, getting better at, is being a complete and utter fuckwit. So today I have decided to compile a set of steps, so beginners can learn the art of being a tool.
Step 1: Convince yourself your better than everyone else around you. Constantly remind everyone how fucking awesome you are.
Being a shit head isn't simply about what you do, its about the way in which you do it. If you want to be a complete waste of oxygen you need the attitude to complement your useless personality. To get this attitude basically you have to convince yourself, that for some reason, you are top shit. Once you have done that, go around trying to convince everyone else around you. Do everything in a cocky and annoying manner, look down on everyone around you. A really skilled pile of shit doesn't really need to do anything to be obnoxious, they only need to sit around doing nothing with a smug sense of superiority over everyone around them.
Step 2: Make things difficult for people around you.
If you can make something difficult for someone, always do so. Because your better than everyone else, everyone else's feelings are completely irrelevant to you. For example if your the head of a residential college you can decide arbitrarily to move game and TV rooms away from the main part of the college. Another thing you can do is for absolutely no reason shut of the power in those rooms at 11:00 forcing anyone watching TV to get up and use an extension cord to plug the TV into the drinks machine. By doing these things you succeed in not only making life slightly difficult for your fellow human beings, but you also succeed being a complete cunt.
Step 3: Force your opinions on others.
If someone near you decides to do something that you wouldn't personally do. For example they could wear a hat that you don't like the color of, or they might light a cigarette. Don't accept that person's right to choose what the fuck they do with their time, force your opinion on to them. When it is possible to be belligerent about something, or fail to mind your own business, do so. Your clearly a fucking sick cunt so you have the right tell everyone else around what to do.
Step 4: be loud.
If your going to be obnoxious don't do it quietly. If you sit in room going about your days being a shit head no one will notice or care. If you want to be a complete tool inflict your stupid personality on everyone around you. Say the stupid shit you would say anyway in a really loud penetrating voice so absolutely no one can ignore. Also when in doubt, say it multiple times so no one can simply drown it out. Whats the point of being a complete cunt, unless you make that fact known to everyone around you, and everyone in the middle distance as well.
Step 5: Write pointless, repetative shit into a blog.
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