How to be a tool

Today I didn't do much that was fun, different, original, creative, or all that amusing. One thing I did do though was watch some It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Some people told me that was a really good show. It was. I watched 4 episodes back to back, didn't get bored, and they were all equally entertaining. Anyone who hasn't watched Philly should. Making a show as funny as that must be really hard. Being funny and original on a consistent basis would be almost impossible. Even being funny inconsistently, on a one off basis, is very hard. The problem for me, what I generally consider hysterical when I think about it myself, turns out to be simply stupid and pointless when I say it, write it or do it. I am not very good at being funny. One thing I am alright at though, and through observing a few people around me, getting better at, is being a complete and utter fuckwit. So today I have decided to compile a set of steps, so beginners can learn the art of being a tool.

Step 1: Convince yourself your better than everyone else around you. Constantly remind everyone how fucking awesome you are.

Being a shit head isn't simply about what you do, its about the way in which you do it. If you want to be a complete waste of oxygen you need the attitude to complement your useless personality. To get this attitude basically you have to convince yourself, that for some reason, you are top shit. Once you have done that, go around trying to convince everyone else around you. Do everything in a cocky and annoying manner, look down on everyone around you. A really skilled pile of shit doesn't really need to do anything to be obnoxious, they only need to sit around doing nothing with a smug sense of superiority over everyone around them.

Step 2: Make things difficult for people around you.

If you can make something difficult for someone, always do so. Because your better than everyone else, everyone else's feelings are completely irrelevant to you. For example if your the head of a residential college you can decide arbitrarily to move game and TV rooms away from the main part of the college. Another thing you can do is for absolutely no reason shut of the power in those rooms at 11:00 forcing anyone watching TV to get up and use an extension cord to plug the TV into the drinks machine. By doing these things you succeed in not only making life slightly difficult for your fellow human beings, but you also succeed being a complete cunt.

Step 3: Force your opinions on others.

If someone near you decides to do something that you wouldn't personally do. For example they could wear a hat that you don't like the color of, or they might light a cigarette. Don't accept that person's right to choose what the fuck they do with their time, force your opinion on to them. When it is possible to be belligerent about something, or fail to mind your own business, do so. Your clearly a fucking sick cunt so you have the right tell everyone else around what to do.

Step 4: be loud.

If your going to be obnoxious don't do it quietly. If you sit in room going about your days being a shit head no one will notice or care. If you want to be a complete tool inflict your stupid personality on everyone around you. Say the stupid shit you would say anyway in a really loud penetrating voice so absolutely no one can ignore. Also when in doubt, say it multiple times so no one can simply drown it out. Whats the point of being a complete cunt, unless you make that fact known to everyone around you, and everyone in the middle distance as well.

Step 5: Write pointless, repetative shit into a blog.

Motivation; or why i can't be bothered to make this post half decent

I thought about aliens again. I wondered about what would happen if we were visited by friendly aliens, and then I decided that that is almost as bad hostile spacemen. Think about it, if we were visited by a friendly alien species, who would of course be far superior to us, the first thing they would want to do probably is engage us in trade. That would be fucked, that would quickly lead to economic collapse. The aliens would be able to more efficiently and quickly produce anything we needed, soon our civilization would be redundant. Still civilization collapsing isn't quite as bad as being eaten.

What I haven't thought about today was studying or impending exams. My exams feel like there ages away and I really can't be bothered studying at the moment. I have absolutely no energy to do anything at all today. Having no energy isn't fun, actually its fucking shit, even though I should be doing stuff I am not. A lack of motivation is probably why we haven't been invaded by Aliens yet, there probably sitting around in there spaceships saying fuck that I will do it tomorrow. Energy is one of those weird things that you sometimes have, and other times you don't. You can't really explain where energy and motivation to do shit really comes from, sometimes its there, and other times you aren't physically able to do anything productive. Apart from possibly saving life as we know it having no energy does have some good points which I have been thinking about now.

Having no energy means you don't get bored.

If you have no mental, physical or emotional energy you can't really get bored. If you can't be bothered to do anything, your not going to be frustrated doing fuck all. Boredom occurs when you have heaps of energy and motivation and nothing interesting to do. Being bored is not fun, and it can often lead to you doing something stupid, and / or dangerous. When I am bored I generally find something interesting to divert myself with like throwing the Styrofoam ball around my room, going for a walk, pulling apart a pen, reading a book, or watching something.

Being motivated doesn't really get you anywhere.

People would like you to believe that if your motivated and you work hard you may get somewhere in life. For most people this is a complete lie. Being motivated and working hard will most likely lead to disappointment, and having your dreams completely shattered. In 10 years time most people will have a job, doing something boring, repetitive, and probably in the end completely pointless. If your lucky you might get paid well, but then again money won't buy you happiness.

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Wow, on the subject of motivation I really haven't anything else to say. I could think of more things but right now I don't have any energy and can't be fucked. A teacher from my school who was debating coach once told me its a really good idea when making an argument to always have three or more points. He taught me that if you only have two points to your argument always restate your first point to make it three Today I won't do this, because I don't want to waste your or my time. By the way, on the subject of time, Time is an amazing song by Pink Floyd. The start, the middle and end of that song are fucking amazing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYiahoYfPGk&feature=related

Pink Floyd is a fucking amazing band, there music is so amazingly experimental, but not so experimental that it makes it sound crap. Pink Floyd is the sort of music that you have to play really loud to get the full benefit of. Comfortably Numb is another great song. (I am not listening to Pink Floyd at the moment, I am listening to Dire Straits, in case anyone was interested.)